by: Dan Degenerate
New Castle, PA

This shit seriously sucks. I'm not even one hundred percent sure what emo is or what defines it, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with really whiney, bellowed-out vocals by effeminate nerds with diagonally cut bangs and women's jeans, some combination of pop-punk guitar, math/prog riffs without the weird time signatures, and break downs that sound remarkably less "hard" than the main parts of the songs.

Attn: Fugazi is not a fuckin' emo band. The Buzzcocks -- DEFINATELY not an emo band. Power pop? Maybe. Not emo. Get your shit straight. And while we're at it, I can't see the difference between "Emo" and "screamo" or "screemo" or however the fuck you spell it. Or "emocore" or whatever. Having your singer yell like he's being castrated shouldn't be a different genre from other bands who sound identical to you, except their singer's wailing in a whiney monotone and prancing about like Julie Andrews in The Sound of fucking Music.

When exactly did this become the big thing? I remember before mainstream emo, and I remember now, but the middle there is kinda fuzzy. I just remember that Jimmy Eat World song playing on the radio one day in the car, and then POOF! 900 fag bands were here. "We have come for your daughter's pants."

And it's all blurring together with the "alternative" bands (don't even get me started on misuse of this term, that's another rant altogether), pop "punk", "nu-metal" and the "neo wave" bullshit that quickly replaced the garage rock revival as the next big thing. Some of this shit I can't even tell what the fuck image theyre tryin' to promote. Either way, stretch your ear lobes out to the size of half-dollars and you're getting laid soon. Where the fuck's my beer.

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