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1. Set up job interviews that you have no intention of getting. Dress weird, give rediculous answers, and generally present
yourself as "not what they're looking for".
2. Call all the "Questions or Comments?" toll-free numbers on random products in the house. Make outrageous claims. Try to
keep them on the phone as long as possible.
3. Make flyers promoting something really stupid, and circulate them around the city.
4. Dress up like a late night variety show host. Carry a microphone (or better yet, something else not even close to resembling
one) and get someone to follow you around with a video camera. Interview people on the street and act really enthusiastic.
5. Respond to random classified ads in the local paper. Make creepy inquisitions, but be subtle.
--Sam Sinister (Dead City Dealers / Artless Nonculture webzine), New Castle, PA
Drive up to people in store parking lots and cooly say, "Hey, sailor, need a ride?". It is really funny. Throwing bread
at people is good, too.
--Denise, Warren, OH
1. Glue a quarter to the floor in the mall or another random public place and see how many people try to pick it up.
2. Dial random phone numbers and ask insanely ridiculous questions.
--Cas, Philly area, PA
1. Have a scavenger hunt at Walmart. Form teams, each one with a cart. Everyone has the same list, with really stupid/bizzarre/creepy
items on it. Whoever gets to the end of the list first puts the cart in the middle of the store and leaves.
2. Go to Walmart with an empty cigarette pack. Walk around the store and bum smokes off random people and see how long it
takes to fill up the pack.
3. Tape your leg up and hobble into (you guessed it) Walmart, and ask for one of the motorized carts. Zip around the store,
"accidentally" wrecking into shit. Pretend to fall asleep at really inconvenient times. When questioned, claim that it's
"because of the medication" they have you taking.
--Dan Degenerate, New Castle, PA
Start topics on random forums that you know nothing about then proceed to act like you are a master of that topic. Put
down everyone's ideas and make complete BS accusations.
--Jarrett (GOTTA EAT!! Art Dept.), Lorrain, OH
Drive to some town where no one knows you. Go to a suburban housing development. Go door-to-door introducing yourself
as a sex-offender. Look really sad and embarrassed.
BONUS POINTS: When they inquire about which house you just moved into, act surprised and confused. Tell them you don't even
live in that town, let alone the neighborhood.
--Jared, Clevo, OH
1. Start your own firm by finding the nearest city or town with a European counter part with a premier league soccer club
(but never call it that, IT'S FOOTBALL YOU FUCKIN' YANK CUNTS!) and parade your standard, sing your war songs and burn down
the city whether your team wins or looses. Be a top firm even if your club is a load of wankers. Note: This is only funny
if you live in the United States, otherwise it's just cool.
2. Engage in the age old art of scorn and rejection. Come up with cleverly ridiculous ways of getting rejected by all the
pretty girls or boys (if you're a girl) or whatever, it's modern times after all. Don't use bad pick up lines, that's been
done to death, come up with some original way. Like act casual and just start with really off the wall topics like abortion,
ritual suicide and shop vacs. Or whatever you have a genuine interest in. Goofy clothes help too. But, be careful with this
one, you don't want to go after just anyone, cause there is always that possibility that they might actually go for it.
3. Build a shack in the woods, invite people there, make everything look as creepy as possible. Then once you get them inside,
serve them tea and act like a Victorian Gentleman and discuss the weather. That's it, don't try to kill them or anything,
trust me, it will fuck with their heads more than you'd think.
4. Make a web 'zine.
--Chris Vermin, Zombieland, PA
Pick up hitch hikers while wearing overly large foam cowboy hats.
--Amanda, West Chester, PA
Dress up like a Jehovah's witness and go door-to-door preaching atheism. Or whatever you feel like preaching for that matter.
--Zilla, Menner, OH
I don’t know if this is illegal or not, but it’s hilarious! Get some caution tape and tie it from one side
of the street to the other, by street signs or a tree or something. It’s hilarious when cars come from both ways and
stop, then start to turn around before they realize that the street is obviously fine, since cars came from both sides. Me
and my friends have fun doing it, haha…
--Scott, Titusville, PA
Ok, this one has a load of instructions.
What you will need:
-A bottle of elmer’s glue (the blue, clear kind).
-A friend with medium-length hair.
-A few jelly bracelets.
1. Spike the friend’s hair, with the elmer's glue, so he looks like a Medieval mace.
2. Allow to dry completely.
3. Then play ring toss!!
--Spirk, New Castle, PA
Go into a store or restaurant, and with all seriousness order something they obviously wouldn't carry. Example:
Walk into an office supply store, approach a customer sales rep, and ask them (as though you've been looking and you’re
sure they must be right in front of your face) where they keep the potatoes.
Or: Drive through a McDonald’s drivethru, and when they ask to take your order ask for a ham and pineapple pizza, with
extra cheese.
Never crack a smile, even if you’re forced to feign real stupidity in the matter. This can be very freeing, I highly
reccomend it.
--Christa, Pittsburgh, PA
Dress up like cardboard box robots and just hang out downtown (I actually plan on doing this one, too).
--Joe sXe (The Scum Brats), Pittsburgh, PA
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